Preparing for Parenthood

Today I have been married to Martin for 9 years and next month we will have been together for 19 years.  There is something I would like to share about my personal experience over the last 7 years that is an important ‘behind the scenes’ of why I do what I do.

Becoming parents is one of the greatest joys in life and the time when you really need to come together and support each other.  The challenges that having a child/ren brings can make it sometimes seem like you are a million miles apart at a time when you need to be most ‘together.’  Passing ships in the night as you strive to keep a sense of yourself alive alongside all the new stuff there is to get your head around and do.  Overnight everything is different, exhausting and as much as you try it can feel like you are not quite making the mark with anything.

I know at the core Martin and I are solid, but boy the last 7 years have been a bumpy ride at times.  The reason I share this is I/we had no idea how parenthood was going to impact our lives and relationship.  I know that we couldn’t have known for sure how things were going to be for us as parents or what sort of baby/child we were going to get, but I’m sure we could have been more prepared.

When I look at these smiling faces in this photo I would love to go back and tell them….

“You are going to be ok, but you will be tested big time when your baby comes along, you can make things a whole lot better for yourself by doing the follow:

Get clear on how you communicate with each other

Get rid of anything you don’t need (Mari Kondo your life)

Lisa especially – trying to do too much/one thing at a time

Have clear boundaries in place with visitors and family

Be clear with people about the type of support that you need

Be clear with each other about what is important for your own sanity and support each other in making that happen.

Lower your expectations about what is possible with a baby, let some things go

Drop that whole who is more tired debate, it will just go round and round in circles.

Your child is an opportunity to bring you together and to teach you both to let go of many things that no longer serve you.

Keep talking and making time for each other and all will be well.”

The journey we have had as parents could have been so much smoother if we had been prepared I am sure.  We prepared for birth and that felt like the easy bit!  I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason.  I teach hypnobirthing in the particular way that I do because it brings couples together, they work as a team.  I believe a positive birth experience is giving couples and especially Mums the best possible start to this life changing event. I want to support Mums throughout Motherhood with simple ways to help them manage their energy levels, processes their thoughts and feelings and have time for themselves and the important people in their lives.

I am someone who believes everything happens for a reason and I like to think my experience has given me an insight into the pitfalls of parenting.  I feel fortunate also have had access to a lot of support and many wonderful ways to make things balanced again and I feel really excited about sharing this in the new future things I have planned.